I’ve fallen off the radar when it comes to transcribing my thoughts on paper, or on technology for that matter. Over the past couple of months however, I’ve been going through some major health & wellness challenges across all fronts - the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Obstacles have been aplenty, and I’ve found that journaling has once again become a valuable ally.
After a couple of months of hibernation - and finally starting to integrate some pretty profound insights and wisdom - I’m ready to share. If you’re keen to digest some powerful (and what I trust to be helpful) lessons learned from some debilitating health issues, buckle in…
I’ll take you for a magic carpet ride towards the depths of my soul.
EVER HAD DENGUE FEVER, EPSTEIN BARR VIRUS, HEAVY METAL TOXICITY & TRAVELED OVERSEAS WITH YOUR MOTHER & MOTHER-IN-LAW, ALL AT ONCE?
Thanks to the Universe, I've been stretched, tested, and pushed to many limits and beyond.
There’s been a nice slathering of physical, emotional, and mental stress, with some of that Dark Night of The Soul stuff thrown in for good measure too. The kind where you think you're starting to go crazy; perhaps touching upon psychosis...
Sprinkle a couple of suicidal thoughts here and there, mixed in with plenty of anxiety, grief, and all the thoughts & feelings that surround dying and death, with a decent dousing of deep & meaningful questions surrounding the fundamental aspects of your life.
Essentially, entering into such deeply challenging processes that there is no other option but change. Things are in so tumultuous that we're forced to shift direction, knowing that something is about to die. And if it's not the big death, it's something about our current way of living and being that must die to be reborn.
If you think that sounds awesome, here’s the direct formula to fast track your approach:
> Back log of toxic heavy metals in the system, such as mercury, copper, lead, aluminium and nickel
> Slow build up of stress from overworking
> Physical stress from a bee sting
> Crutches for a week due to a major swollen foot
> Emotional and mental stress from being forced to rest when I had trouble surrendering into taking it easy and slowing down
> Another bee sting on the hand within a two week time period
> Reactivation of chronic mystery illness symptoms bringing more stress on all fronts (believed to be Epstein Barr Virus)
> Family trip to Indonesia to rest and recover
> Conflict and stress from being on holidays with my mother & mother-in-law
> Get bitten by mosquitoes and catch Dengue Fever
> Get hammered by fever, brain fog, epic migraines, light sensitivity, chronic fatigue, chronic sinus inflammation, joint pain, muscle aches, adrenal problems, gut issues, jaw and neck tension, a jacked nervous system like being plugged into those big electric fences from Jurassic Park, and more.
10/10 talk about a wild ride.
Dr. Ian Malcom said it perfectly: "Life, uh, finds a way..." Or perhaps more appropriately: "That is one big pile of shit."
(How many OG Jurassic Park fans in the house?)
I feel as though I can say I've passed out the eye of the storm and I'm finally sailing into smoother weather. Heavy seas can still be seen on the horizon though, which is why it’s important to have the skills, or at least the support, to know which way to point the navigational compass.
THE WISDOM OF THE BEES
It took me until recently to recognize that ever since the bee sting, I've been in a state of SNS dominance. Aka Sympathetic Nervous System activation. Aka flight or fight. Aka nervous system overload. Aka STRESS.
No wonder I ended up getting so hammered.
After a few weeks of being unwell, something finally clicked… the initial message that the bees were trying to convey. Now whether or not we actually receive spiritual messages, omens, and signs from both our animate and non-animate counterparts, is up for discussion. However one thing is for sure, we as humans are incredible “meaning making machines”.
I believe messages, insights, teachings and wisdom can be found in all kinds of events and experiences, so I’m certainly no stranger to contemplating and feeling into the deeper spiritual meanings from seemingly significant and synchronistic moments in time.
After initially being stung by the first bee, or rather, when I accidentally stood on it (but nothing is really an accident, right…) a lot of bee related activities and experiences were entering my field. After the second sting, I couldn’t write everything off as pure coincidence, even if it was.
So, I got researching and contemplating.
I stumbled upon information reminding me that Bee Venom Therapy had been used as a healing modality for disease and injuries for over 5,000 years! The Egyptians, Chinese and Greek therapists, including Hippocrates, were apparently fans.
There’s also information stating that early hunter-gatherer rock art had been found depicting the honeybee as a source of medical treatment, alongside some pretty interesting hieroglyphs acknowledging a clear relationship between the Egyptians and the bees.
Had I been spiritually anointed and initiated into bee medicine… for free?!
Well, I can confirm that it certainly didn’t feel like healing medicine at the time.
I was then linked to a couple of interesting articles written by Raeline Brady. She pointed out that ”since antiquity the bee has been venerated in various cultures such as Egypt, India, Ancient Greece, Mesopotamia and Australian Origins, who as I also mention, consider the entire colony to be one creature. When you speak to one bee you speak to the entire hive.”
I couldn’t help but contemplate… Are the entire colony of bees trying to pass on a message to me?! Am I supposed to become some great caretaker of bees and devote my life to the re-emergence of our buzzing overlords?
Brady continued on by sharing that “the bee is the symbol of Royal bloodlines in several cultures and in countless instances has been spoken of as coming to this world from other planetary systems and heavenly realms and that that this connection is still in existence.”
Maybe I was being chosen by some intergalactic cosmic bee federation that was way too confusing and complex for my tiny human mind to try and comprehend…
Whatever the case, while I continued to come across further information on bees as totem spirit animals and the deeper meaning of having these ecologically important insectoids in ones life, I still couldn’t quite put together why I’d been initiated into all of this recent bee-phenomena. I parked it to the side and trusted that more insight would come when, and if, necessary.
Finally, after many weeks deep into my chronic reactivated symptoms, the meaning that finally came to me from those initial interactions with the bees, was this….
Parasympathetic Nervous System balance. Aka rest and digest. Aka NOT being in a state of stress.
The bees were quite simply trying to tell me to slow down and take more time to rest.
“BEFORE YOU HEAL SOMEONE, ASK HIM IF HE’S WILLING TO GIVE UP THE THINGS THAT MADE HIM SICK.” - HIPPOCRATES
This realization reactivated a remembrance of some old wisdom of mine that I had NOT been living and breathing: "Let self care, self love, and health & wellness be the needle point that directs my compass." Pretty big philosophy to embody there.
On one of my darkest nights recently - physically, mentally and emotionally, the following insights came to me, which were, and still are, quite profound, due to the depth that they’ve touched me.
(which is stuff I already knew on a conceptual level, but didn't really embody all that well)
When my symptoms become intense I often get stuck in thought loops of worrying about what's wrong, what the underlying cause might be, or if things are going to get worse. It's a vicious cycle of negative thought patterns and anxiety, from comparing things to past experience, and projecting into future possibilities.
Definitely not self care, self love or health & wellness oriented there!
The thing is, I can focus on being negative, or positive. And I can either resist, or surrender. We all have that choice. But why the F would you want to surrender to being unwell and not do anything about it?! Ahhh... well that's where the gold is.
To fully heal on all levels, it's crucial to fully surrender, accept, and be with the present moment experience, because anything other than that, is resistance. Resistance is stress. Stress is SNS activation. Parasympathetic balance is key so that the body can enter a restful healing state and activate it's own innate ability to come back into harmony. It can't do it in a state of stress.
That's not to say I can't use 'free will' with the intention to move towards another direction. But it has to be from a place of surrender, peace, and acceptance for the present moment situation; without resistance, and without being attached to the outcome.
No attachment to the outcome is a tricky one. I can still sense my own attachment. The desire to want to be free from uncomfortable physical sensations and symptoms. It's natural. To move towards a state of comfort; of harmony; of health.
However it's also important to have the acknowledgment that that day may never come. Maybe it will though. Things could (and most likely will in this instance with all the right tools and support) come together to fulfill my desired outcome!
But, nothing ever lasts in it’s current form forever. It's the nature of all things.
Coming together, only to fall apart again.
One day we'll all start to fall apart in one way or another, for good - at least in this knowable lifetime. Towards the great big unknown. The question here is, do we meet this place with fear, anxiety, and resistance. Or with surrender, acceptance, peace and love?
It's ultimately all of our individual choice to resist that which scares us, or to soften into the unknown; the unknown being all those places that bring fear and anxiety. I know that it's in these places that we have the opportunity to touch upon a very special tenderness that can bring upon a very special connection to the heart.
So, there's a huge amount of self care and self love that has been happening, including surrendering into and being present with my own symptoms and feelings that arise, rather than resisting and distracting myself from them.
Some other key restorative practices for my burnt out nervous and immune system include:
> Meditation, using inner healing visualizations and healing affirmations (Joe Dispenza / Bruce Lipton style)
> Nourishing and detoxifying the body with an abundance of wholesome healthy foods (based on blood tests, hair mineral analysis tests, and intuition)
> Relaxing teas, juicing, bone broths, celery juice, adaptogenic herbs and mushrooms, fermented foods, filtered mineralized water, vitamins and supplements as needed
> Eliminating ALL artificial sugars, artificial flavours, artificial sweeteners, corn, soy, canola oils, unhealthy vegetable oils, dairy, wheat, gluten grains, nuts, coffee
(I was following Medical Medium’s cleanse protocol however my body was singing out for cooked foods, healthy fats and more adrenal support)
> Gentle movement practices, massage and myofascial release, plenty of sunshine (naked if possible) and spending lots of time in nature
> Deep slow breathing, cold showers, mildly warm baths with epsom salt, sinus irrigation, trans-dermal magnesium oil, essential oils, oil diffusers
(I’ve also just bought a red-light therapy device and a coffee enema kit, which I’m keen to incorporate)
> Calming activities, like hanging with my daughter, playing guitar, singing, reading books, listening to relaxing music, lounging in a hammock
> Bluelight blocking glasses and decent sleep practices - and if sleep seems impossible at night, deep breathing, staying calm and allowing the body to rest
> Tapping into gratitude, love, trust, patience, and shifting unhealthy beliefs, all to induce healing and repair at a cellular level, rather than getting stuck in thoughts of fear and anxiety.
Every thought is a packet of information that has a very real effect on our cellular biology and thus our healing potential. Harmful thoughts = harmful cellular effect. Healing thoughts = healing cellular effect. Focus on the healing, rather than the harming.
I've noticed a very defined emotional, mental and spiritual shift that has taken place recently, which is of course needed so that the physical can continue to shift as well. I know that my body knows how to heal when I provide it with what it needs, and when I create a nurturing environment conducive to health and wellness.
Many of our plant and animal spirit medicines have been invaluable along the way, however there’s a time, place and context where those are better suited. The message I’m getting at the moment is to incorporate gentle and non-stimulative healing practices into my daily routine.
Some of my best pals and allies - Kambo, Huachuma, Ayahuasca etc - are waiting patiently until my system rejuvenates and recuperates through the use of softer, lighter modalities.
Adrenal and nervous system overwhelm is no joke. Neither is herxing, aka herxheimer response, aka healing crisis. It’s best to keep taking things slow and steady at the moment. We’re carefully nourishing the soil and nurturing the environment for all the good things to regrow… We don’t want to demolish everything by getting out the tractor and bulldozer!
INCORPORATING SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVES
From a spiritual point of view, you could say that all of these challenges are part of my karmic path here on Earth.
I shouldn't be complaining or stressing... I signed up to all of this stuff after all.
Before incarnating here on this planet, while doing whatever souls do in the spirit world (drinking tea and riding magic carpets, I imagine) I chose to learn all the lessons that would come with these challenges, and knew that taking the hard road would be the best road for my highest self.
Why on Earth did I chose all these chronic health challenges?!
̶M̶i̶l̶k̶ Health challenges were a bad choice.
But quite obviously, they’re most powerful way for me to continuing cultivating my spiritual practice on deeper and deeper levels. I know that these obstacles are perfectly placed onto my path for my highest good. Or at least, that’s a perspective that I know is available to choose from.
Can I really say with absolute certainty that we as souls are waiting to incarnate from the spirit world down into this physical realm, while we make soul contracts and soul agreements, playing out certain roles and certain situations to learn certain lessons for our highest good?!
Of course I can. I’m a psychic mystic who pretty much knows all that secrets to the Universe. Except for those secrets about how not to have chronic illnesses. Hmm…
In any case, I’ve experienced some mind-boggling things in many plant medicine journeys, and in many ordinary instances too, so I feel as though soul contracts and soul agreements could certainly be a possibility. Another thing that resonates with me, is knowing that part of my spiritual path is about having trust and faith that this is exactly where I'm meant to be, and this is exactly what I need right now for my spiritual growth.
Being human is a lifelong practice full of ebbs and flows; challenges and beauty; suffering and wisdom. Some of the keys on this journey include constantly practicing releasing stress and resistance, softening into the heart, surrendering, accepting and being present with all that comes - with the intention to continue down the healing and restorative path - and to keep stepping into love, gratitude and all that other good stuff, without attachment to the outcome.
Wisdom comes through embodying that.
Without embodiment, it's all just information and knowledge at best.
SOCIAL MEDIA AS A HEALING MODALITY
Social media gets a pretty bad wrap these days, but I find it to be a great tool. I’m not sure it’s inherently positive or negative - it is what we make it to be.
Generally I choose to be pretty active on both facebook and instagram. There’s a bit of a multi-layered intention to my approach.
I use it to keep in contact with people, I use it as a business tool, I use it to share offerings and creative pursuits, I use it as a journal, I use it as an integration tool, I use it to share what’s happening in my life, I use to gain trust through being as transparent as possible, to share wisdom, and to build a conscious community online and offline, I use it to help nurture my feelings and needs of being acknowledged, supported and seen.
In a sense, all of this plays into using social media as a healing modality. Part of healing is about being in alignment, and there’s a cohesive element when using social media and technology in beneficial ways.
As we steam ahead in the name of progress, technology is going to become even more intertwined and integrated into our daily lives. We can either resist that too, or find the reconnective and restorative ways in which it can blend into our lives.
I for one am super grateful for all that support and connection that has come through the continued sharing of my journey from my online - and offline - community.
People have reached out who have been on similar journeys. Others have shared that they’re currently going through challenges themselves. There have been those that have offered various healing work, with many kind-hearted souls sending plenty of good vibes.
If you’re experiencing any chronic health and wellness related challenges, please feel free to reach out for some support. We can’t always do things alone.
I'm getting back into the swing of things, feeling much better, and suspect I'll be opening up the teepee doors for some medicine circles and workshops very soon. If you’re in Australia, this is where to go to check out some of my offerings: Kambo Path.
In the meanwhile, I'm enjoying playing bucket loads of guitar, primarily hibernating in my cave, and making many beautiful family moments with my beautiful nine month old daughter.
Looking forward to the reemergence, reconnection and rebirths to come.